1. |
Wilder Still
04:10
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a happy night sitting on a blanket, legs crossed at the ankles
i'm watching the first Halloween projected on a hanging sheet
i can't place this certain kind of sadness, but i'm glad to let it happen
it's something more than bittersweet
i'm almost devastated to feel so at ease
maybe this is growing up and out of all that didn't suit me
maybe you're not getting what you wanted but we got what we need
life gets hard and harder still
but we turn towards the sun like propagations on a sill
and we will grow and grow some more
'til we can't fit in the lives that we were planted in before
and it's so wild
people change only if they want to, not until they have to
almost never near enough to even out the harm they've caused the ones they care about
maybe this is growing up and out of all that didn't suit me
maybe you're not getting what you wanted but we got what we need
life gets hard and harder still
but we turn towards the sun like propagations on a sill
and we will grow and grow some more
'til we can't fit in the lives that we were planted in before
and there you are, you're not with me
you've been writing up a storm about how awful i must be
and here i am, i'm not with you
sitting outside at a party we once talked about going to
it's so wild, it's so weird
growing up and out of everything i was a part of here
it's so wild
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2. |
Grip
03:59
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does it matter why they break your heart?
does it make you stronger to suffer at all?
i know that you think you can take it
but spin the other way around
i don't think that it's been reciprocated
why would they start trying now?
you don't have to hang on to someone who's burning you up
you don't have to hang on to someone who's cold to the touch
maybe you loosen up that grip
and if they slip, they slip
and that's not on you
they could have been hanging on too
you could manage, sure you have 'til now
you know the damage that might happen if they found out
you're paying too much interest on a purchase that you didn't want to make
losing too much value to be worth it
yeah eat the cost and cut your loss
'cause you don't have to hang on to someone who's burning you up
you don't have to hang on to someone who's cold to the touch
maybe you loosen up that grip
and if they slip, they slip
and that's not on you
they could have been hanging on too
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3. |
Practice
03:53
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i think it's time you made up your mind
i think it's time you made up your mind
the nights get so heavy and i'm more than ready to feel something good
so i'm moving in if it's steady or not
my newest disaster, i'll give it a shot with you
how much harm could it do?
so come a little closer
let's see how bad this can get
am i making you nervous? i haven't even started yet
let me practice on you
it's so bad but it's true
i forgot how my heart seems to stop and to start
so come on let me into your room let me practice on
i think tonight is a perfect night
i think tonight is a perfect night
to get a bit messy, tumbling and guessing
i know how it goes
we'll trudge along for a couple of weeks
fading away and we won't even speak when i see you waving goodbye
so come a little closer
let's see how bad this can get
am i making you nervous? i haven't even started yet
let me practice on you
yeah you get lonely too
i forgot how it hurts and that love comes in spurts
so come on let me into your room let me practice on
let me practice on you
it's so bad but it's true
i forgot how my heart seems to stop and to start
so come on let me into your room let me practice on you
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4. |
Guts
03:21
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oh you remind me of a man i knew, swept me off my feet talking just like you
lips pressed to my ear so i felt his breath
smelled so good, like certain death
he told me "you're nothing like all the other girls, you're nothing like all the other girls
wasting my time with those other girls
i like you, i think i want to get to know you"
and you already kind of do
yeah i'm the pebble in your shoe
the taxes you forgot were due
i'm a frankenstein of every girl you've already had
and you'll see me in the others when they start to go bad
we all live in the museum that's inside of your head
and we'll nag and we nag and we nag
and you know i'm right
well i was seventeen when he came sniffing around
and if anybody asked he'd probably play his age down
and he got so sweet when he was through being mean
when i look at you man god damn i feel the same thing
you're saying "you're nothing like all the other girls, you're nothing like all the other girls
wasting my time with those other girls
you're special, i think i want to get to know you"
and you already kind of do
yeah i'm the pebble in your shoe
the taxes you forgot were due
a recurring theme playing on repeat
an old song and a dance born of poor circumstance
and i nag and i nag and i nag and
you know i'm right
i was groomed i was trained i was used i was blamed
built me up tore me down screaming right in my face
i've been set up for you like my heart's been condemned
should i keep spilling my guts
are you still trying to get in them
you're nothing like all the other boys
you're nothing like all the other boys
wasting my time with those other boys
you're special, i think i want to get to know you
and i already kind of do
yeah you're the pebble in my shoe
a sequel i will suffer through
a recurring theme playing on repeat
an old song and a dance born of poor circumstance
and i nag and i nag and i nag and i know i’m right
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5. |
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how many of my lines have i erased?
not to be said out or seen upon my face
sucked it up, sucked it in, learned to take it on the chin
i didn’t like it, but i tolerate the taste
aren’t you curious about me? did i lose it? did i lose it?
aren’t you curious to know how i burned it down in order to find that
i’ve been here this whole time?
how many versions of me did i make?
when did the love i gave away begin to take?
i looked for my worth in the eyes of several men
i never seemed to find it but i put those hours in though
aren’t you curious about me? did i lose it? did i lose it?
aren’t you curious to know how i burned it down in order to find that
i’ve been here this whole time?
ooo didn’t know
i keep screaming all about it, i just figured out the rules
i’ll be breaking all these curses, so i hope they get well soon too
i didn’t know
aren’t you curious about me? did i lose it? did i lose it?
aren’t you curious to know how i burned it down in order to find that
i’ve been here this whole time?
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6. |
Best You Can Do
03:24
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the carpet fades where other feet have tapped impatiently
and builder beige is on the wall, they'll have to peel me off
i'm waiting for somebody to tell me what my problem is
if there's a problem at all
and if the worst they could say is i cycle through the same mistakes
that's great. just great.
if the best you can do is hurt people less than they hurt you
that holds some weight too
i'm starting to get the idea, it's becoming increasingly clear
but it's harder to dig out with each passing year
if you'd please just prescribe i'd prefer to stay here
where it's always my fault
that's the issue, i think
it's so comfortable here in the lie. it's so easy to sink in
and if the worst they could say is i cycle through the same mistakes
that's great. just great.
if the best you can do is hurt people less than they hurt you
that holds some weight too
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7. |
The Love We All Deserve
03:05
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are you mistaking me for someone else? an old version of a person you once knew?
i'm out here living fine all by myself and i'm happy now without you
and i don't believe you when you claim that you meant every word you said
when i have got amassing evidence proving otherwise
i feel bad for you and everyone that you dupe because no one's getting the love that they deserve
don't get me wrong, all people have the right to tangle up with someone for fun
to let all feelings go for just one night or however long until they are done
but when you always act so intimate
and start to pitch a dream you know you won't stay in
you're setting up a game no one wants to play in
not even me
i feel bad for you and everyone that you dupe because no one's getting the love that they deserve
you're someone else's stomach ache now
and i can't handle the smell or the taste of it
'cause i was eating up all of your stupid shit for too long a time
it pulls at the heartstrings, the drifting apart things
when we last spoke i didn't know and now i do
i feel so bad for you and all the shit that you do
because now i'm getting the love that i deserve easily, 'cause i had it in me
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Rachel Hirsh Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Rachel Hirsh’s I’ve Been Here This Whole Time is a study in observation.
The Chapel Hill-
based singer-songwriter’s debut EP is 25 minutes of brutally honest examinations of the self and other people, all fed through the filter of driving, melodic alternative rock that calls to mind predecessors like Anna Waronker (that dog.) and Helium.
... more
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